4/25/2022

Solitary Studies

Last week I finished and submitted to my supervisor another chapter of my dissertation. 

Studying is such a solitary and lonely thing. At least on the doctoral level. It was very different when I studied in Tartu and in Newbold - I always had a group of people around me who did the same thing and who lived in the same rhythm as me. It was especially so in Newbold where we were also living on the same campus. Everyone went to classes in the morning and everyone went to the library after lunch, it was the most natural of life rhythms and you could always feel the peer support. Always. But now I have to steal time from either one of my jobs - and feel guilty about it - if I want to make any progress. No-one knows when I sit in the library, and I don't think anyone cares much either. Just 1,5 weeks ago I had a long study day and a colleague from the church messaged me and asked if I had time for a phone call. I said I was writing my dissertation and that I could speak later in the evening. "Is that the doctoral thing?" he asked. Yes, it's the doctoral thing, the one I am doing for the fifth year running. None of it is his fault, of course, he doesn't need to know what I'm doing or how far I am or am not but these kind of conversations make me feel terribly lonely.

Over the long Easter weekend I managed to write some 4500 words for my thesis. I barely got up from my chair for a couple of days and my kitchen table was covered with feedback forms that I was analysing. The chapter I submitted was 37 pages long - and I think I have finally found my strategy. I just write so much no-one will ever have time nor energy to read the whole thing. It should work!

It's also very interesting, of course. It's fascinating to go through all that feedback I received for my preaching series. There are all sorts of comments and opinions and statistics. And I hope I will be a more knowledgeable preacher once I'm done with my big study.

But I got terribly tired from the writing marathon - mostly because I also had to keep my two job balls up in the air at the same time, both the church ball and the school ball. I've taken some smaller breaks, like this:


or like this, babysitting my niece and nephew:


But my grandiose plan to go straight to the final chapter without catching my breath doesn't seem to be realistic. So I will go to Sweden tomorrow, I will leave my laptop and the feedback forms home, I will unplug, read a good book, spend time with S, do some wedding prep, and enjoy the spring. I think I deserve it. :)

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