Happy New Year!

Christmas came, Christmas went. 

When Christmas happens to be on a weekend (as it was this year), one always feels a bit cheated. It would be so much nicer to have the Christmas mid-week, to have some extra days off, to take it easy. 

But this year's experience has made me change my mind. Apparently, in Ekebyholm church they have had a tradition that when Christmas Eve happens to be on a Saturday, instead of the regular church service at 11.30, the congregation gathers at 8 o'clock in the morning. I was a little bit sceptical about it, especially when S. said he would be responsible for streaming the early church service and set his alarm clock to 6.20. Eww! But when we set up the cameras early in the morning, barely awake, and the church members started to gather, it felt very special and very different. The service itself was special, too, as we could read through the whole story of Jesus' birth from the Gospels, and sing a lot of Christmas songs in between. The church hall was barely lit so we saw the first rays of light from the horizon and could witness a magical sunrise. After the church service ended, everyone was treated to my father-in-law's Christmas porridge - the traditional rice porridge with sugar and cinnamon. It was barely 10 o'clock when the church was over and we parted with many Merry Christmases and hugs and good wishes. 

Later that day I wanted to know when is the next time we have Christmas Eve on Saturday. I am very much looking forward to it!

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Two days after Christmas Eve we flew to Estonia. I suppose I was attempting to celebrate Christmas almost simultaneously in two places. [Note to self - it doesn't work.] We crammed into 3,5 days as many things as we could - family, relatives, friends, hairdressers and dentists. There were many happy meetings but I also felt very tired. J. said this morning something about planning one's trips to be porous - to have little pockets of unplanned time in them. This is something I will remember the next time.

Now we are back home and ready to welcome the new year. The welcome party will be very modest though. S. brought from our trip an unexpected gift - a virus with high fever and bad cough. So we will ring in the new year with paracetamol and tea (instead of a wedding cake and bubbly drink, as planned). But be as it may, we are still happy and grateful for this amazing year. We have been married almost half of that year, and it feels wonderful! 

So with gratitude and joy, we look back and look ahead and wish all of you a very happy new year! May it be filled with joy and peace and blessings from the Almighty. 

Divide and Rule

I am trying to use a slogan stolen from the colonial powers in the 18th century - Divide and Rule. The European colonisers used it to weaken the small native/national groups, making them fight each other and thus turning them into easier targets to conquer. For me it means something completely different. I'm just trying to use it as a moto for dividing my own tasks in a way that everything gets (more or less) done and I remain (more or less) intact.

Trying to get everything done without dividing has not worked.

A month or two ago, the stress levels got so high that I could present a new health problem to S. every week. Honey, this week I feel very dizzy in my head. This week I have problems with my stomach. Next week there's something else. Duh. 

So. Divide. And rule.

In the beginning of November I focused on my church work. Four sermons at a teenagers weekend needed time and preaching energy and the grace of God. A lot of that last one. 

The last couple of weeks have belonged almost entirely to SFI, my language school. On November 22 and 23 I had my first national Swedish exam. On the first day we had a 4 hour exam with listening, reading and writing tasks. On the next day we had the oral exam, in the form of both a group discussion and an individual conversation. I knew I would pass the exam but still it took an enormous amount of energy and effort. I am a perfectionist by my nature, and while it can be a good thing in some contexts, perfectionism can turn into an ugly enemy in others. Always pressing oneself to give the maximum - especially in language studies where The Best is unattainable - can be a tiring thing. But I did what I could, reading and listening to some extra Swedish news every day and writing some extra texts, trying to guess the possible topics for writing and oral exams, and always pushing myself to say a few extra sentences in the classroom. Anyway, once the exam itself started, everything went very smoothly. The feeling was good and the conversation more or less flowed (on a beginners level, of course, haha). After more than a week of waiting, I finally got the results. The listening and reading tests I passed with 100% and while they don't give out procentages or grades for writing and speaking (you either just pass or don't), my teacher said they were both high above the expected level of course C. So next week I will start course D. The feeling of progress is very rewarding - it feels like finally the long hours in school are starting to pay off.

This week I have requested a leave from my work, and having excused myself at school I am intending to sit at home the whole time and finish writing my bloody dissertation. Not much remains to be done, but even these bits and pieces take huge effort - sort out the appendixes, write the concluding chapter, create some order in the endless chaos of reference list, wait for the final feedback from the second reader, go through some earlier feedback... Honestly, I would much rather go to SFI every morning. But it has to be done now. This chapter must be closed. New ones are waiting. 

The only thing in my life that requires no effort and no dividing is the joy of waiting for S. to come home from work every evening. If it wasn't for his love and sanity and calmness, I would not make it. I know it sounds like an Oscar's acceptance speech but truly. Truly.

I find a lot of comfort in knowing that this phase in life will pass. The dissertation will get defended and I will speak this new language effortlessly one glorious day. New things will come, of course, and they, too, will need dividing and ruling. But some wonderful things, I hope, will never change or get divided - here's to S. ❤