Photo Therapy

A couple of years ago when I bought a nice camera, I promised myself I'd take a photography course one day. Then, of course, I forgot all about it.

It was in the beginning of October that I accidentally stumbled upon Eesti Foto's (Estonian Photo's) web page and with great surprise I realised they were JUST about to start with another beginners' course. The timing felt perfect. So I took a deep breath and signed up. This meant a photography feast every Thursday evening for two months. 

There are a couple of things I learnt. First, my camera turned from this obscure and spooky thing into something I actually understand. I have a million miles to go when it comes to taking really good pictures but at least I'm no longer afraid of my camera. That's a big one!

Then a myth was busted. I thought of professional photographers as introverted people who work alone and who are maybe not the best of public speakers. But, oh my days, they all turned out to be very different from that picture in my head. They were witty and sharp and talkative and it was a pure joy to listen to them and go through hundreds of their photos with them. I was thoroughly impressed by the lot!

And I've also learnt that a good distraction from the horrors of the world is sometimes a pure blessing. I've gone a little crazy about this photography thing - I watch videos and read articles and make everyone pose for me and just yesterday I purchased a program called Capture One for photo editing (I called it an early Christmas present). And I suspect this craziness is not only a harmless hobby but also something that offers me an escape from the world. It's as if taking pictures is a tiny world in itself, a world untouched by psychopath presidents and apocalyptic viruses (although I did test negative just a few days ago!) and November mud and school life. And man, if there ever was a time one needed an escape... 

So here are a handful of photos from recent times. I used some of them in our last class where we analysed our homework. Some of them got shot down, of course, but that's ok, that's a part of the progress.

The Good, The Bad, and The Elections

My nerves can’t take the tension of the US presidential election so in order to distract myself and to stop myself from hitting the refresh button on The Guardian’s vote count for the hundredth time, here’s some bloggin'.

Time flies. It’s already the second school week after the mid-term break. I remember how the first school weeks dragged on endlessly because everything was so new and scary and bumpy. Now I can hardly get to work and the next moment it’s already another Friday afternoon. It's beginning to look a lot like high time for Christmas music. 

I really enjoy that rhythm – the rhythm of working during the week and NOT working during the weekend. It’s one of those things I’m still a little euphoric about, some five months after closing the church office door behind me. Resting and working are much more separate now while in the past they were aways dangled up and muddled. But now, ah! I love those Friday afternoons when I can wave my pupils goodbye and hit one of my favourite cafes. I always make sure I have a good book with me when I go there. Sometimes I sit in that cafe for two hours straight, just enjoying the feeling of freedom, reading Ryszard Kapuscinski (one of my greatest literary crushes) and watching people. There’s absolutely no hurry, there’s no Sabbath school class to be taught the next day. Instead, I often get on a train on Saturday morning and go see friends or family. For example, I try to go and see my dad once a month. When I’m at my dad’s, we drive around (that means I’m driving and my dad is trying to look calm – I’m practicing for my driver’s licence exam and still have a loooong way to go), go to the woods and pick mushrooms or blueberries, and just chill. Until five months ago, I didn’t know such weekends even existed. I’m also trying my best to see my godson in Tartu once a month. Did I tell you that I became an official godmother in the beginning of September (meaning, there was a special church service and a silver cross and a fancy family dinner and all)? The little cutie is 9 months old so he probably doesn’t care too much about my visits but I care a lot about pushing his pram and babysitting.

As to school life, I really like my pupils. They can be a handful – I mean, they’re 10 and 11 and 12… But we get along well and every day I’m happy to see them. But other than that, the school life is very stressful. The Covid numbers are up and up and there’s this silent dread in the air. The government keeps telling us that the schools can stay open but there’s also a whole horde of panicky parents we need to deal with. It’s all very tiring. They will start testing teachers for Covid from next week onward, I’m on the waiting list, too. This constant source of stress, the endless November gloom, plus the never ending responsibility and worry for one’s health (I really don’t want to be the one who causes my school to shut down) is getting to me. I long for life to be ligther. I want snow, I want more light, I want more laughter. I want the American nightmare to end and the virus to pack its bags. And I wish someone lifted the weight of the world from my shoulders sometimes.

It’s really about balancing the wonderful stuff and the not so wonderful. The whole life is so much about it. And yet, the balancing act has never been easy.

Or as my favourite author Kapuscinski puts it in The Soccer War, „There is so much crap in the world, and then, suddenly, there is honesty and humanity.“ So elegant, so subtle, lol!

OK, I’m back to The Guardian now. Bye!