I think I had a revelation the other evening. Sort of. I was skyping with MJ and we were talking about our lives and everything. And she asked me about what I'm going to preach about this coming Sabbath. And I told her - I'll speak about Jacob's fight with God and what it does to you when you suddenly meet God in your darkest hour and when you've got enough courage to put up a fight and ask for a blessing. And how you walk away limping but being a new man with a new name. For you have fought God Himself and have been touched by Him.

And then we talked about other things more personal and she's suddenly like, well, why don't you fight God to get this specific blessing in your life. And it was as if suddenly all the dots in my sermon were connected to my own life. And instantly that story became more personal and more relevant to me than ever before. It started speaking to me in a way I never thought this old story could speak. And I seem not be able to get it out of my head now.

So I've decided to put up a fight. I feel like anyone should feel in such situation - I'm a tiny speck of dust in front of God Almighty. I've never felt so small in my life. And I know I'm no worthy opponent to Him. And I don't have much strength so part of my prayer is - please, let the morning dawn soon. But I'm fighting. I don't want to let go before He has granted me this special blessing. It's beautiful and scary all at the same time because I know that if He answers and if He lets me see the dawn, I'll be limping my hip for the rest of my life, so to speak. And so be it, I'm ready to pay that price for I also know that this blessing would renew me and give me a new purpose and new strength. So I've decided to tell Him every day, "I won't let you go unless you bless me."

And I won't let go.

Until He blesses me.