Kinder Words

I conducted a small social experiment earlier this spring. 

I kind of stumbled upon it, honestly. One day I saw a post on Swedish Radio’s FB page about one of their shows—they had put together a longer, more in-depth program about Arvo Pärt and his music. There were quite a few comments under the post, many of them along the lines of “Oh yeah, that’s the guy who wrote ‘Spiegel im Spiegel.’” Those “Spiegel im Spiegel” posts always get under my skin—if you knew more about A. P.’s music, you wouldn’t write a comment like that, but if you only know one piece, why share your ignorance with the world? As if A. P. were some one-hit wonder.  

Anyway. I decided to write a slightly longer post about my own experience with A. P.’s music as a counterpoint. To my great surprise, my comment got 40+ likes in a short time (ah, such a dopamine rush). And then I thought—I should start a campaign where I only write kind comments under articles on social media. Or positive messages in general—to anyone.

No sooner said than done. I decided to send at least one kind and warm message every day.

I managed to keep up with my experiment for about a month, but then the rest of life (read: guests) came crashing in, and I no longer had the chance to sit at the computer regularly. 

But this month was really cool. I wrote all kinds of comments under all kinds of articles. I sent longer birthday wishes to people celebrating their birthdays (those “hbd” messages are a bummer—who needs a three letter birthday greeting?). I wrote to a couple of old friends I hadn’t spoken to in years. I thanked a famous chef for a great recipe. I sent messages to close friends asking if there was anything in their lives I could pray for. I sent a 'Thank you' email to some podcast presenters for an exceptional episode (even got a reply from their producer lol). 

What did I learn from my experiment? First, that when I open the comments section under a news article online, my default assumption is that it’s just full of vitriol and nastiness. I was surprised to realise how normal this negative media space has become for me—on a few occasions, it felt a bit strange to write a positive comment. Opening up the computer and reading an article just to say something nice? What’s wrong with you? 

Secondly, I’ve discovered that even though the “one-comment experiment” is over, kind words now flow more easily from my keyboard. I’m better at spotting opportunities to say something nice. It’s as if some muscle has gotten a little stronger.

Yesterday, I gratefully accepted all the lovely birthday wishes (I turned 26 again!) that reached me via text, email, or video call. Thank you, dear friends. It was truly wonderful to be on the receiving end of that stream of kind words on my special day. Once again, I had to admit—we all need positive words so very much. The soul drinks them up like a parched field drinks up rainwater. 

What if I made this whole new year of life a year of kind words?

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We discovered that a child needs nothing more for happiness than a 2-euro spray bottle: