So Much To Do

In the Old Town

I remembered something yesterday.

I remembered a concern I had had last summer when I quit my job with no plan B. When trying to picture a post-church life, I had this abstract and yet a very real concern. I thought to myself, "What if I wake up one day and have simply nothing to do? What if I wake up, say, on October the 16th or on January the 10th, everyone else going to school or to work and living a normal responsible adult life, and I have nowhere to go?"

These questions came back to me yesterday evening after a busy day in the school and even busier afternoon in the Seminary, totally exhausted after a full day of teaching and lecturing, and this past concern of mine sounded suddenly somewhat ridiculous. But it also made me very serious. It made me count my blessings and it made me thank the Almighty for ever making new shoots sprout where only dead stumps used to be. 

Honestly, the idea of waking up in a morning without having anything to do seems more like a dream these days.

The strangest thing for me is that I never looked for a job or any other thing to do. And here I am on February the 11th, getting a little - or more than little - over-stressed about the to-do list that just keeps getting longer and longer. How on earth has this happened? I have to teach them kids every day at school, prepare for classes and mark tests, answer a million questions that have nothing to do with our topic and read the same books I make them read. I teach homiletics again, and although it took me more than four hours to go to Tartu and come back to Tallinn yesterday just so that I could lecture for three hours, I loved it (the students clapped in the end of the lecture - something I'm not used to). I've just had to write and submit a review on a theological peer-reviewed journal article. I need to write a review on a photo exhibition and submit it by Sunday evening (totally out of my league but so happy about the challenge). This damned doctoral thesis of mine needs to get written. A sermon needs to be preached this Saturday (and, uhmm, written first). A jazz concert on Saturday night is totally calling my name. A dear friend with a burnout diagnosis needs my support and some hang-out. A car needs to be bought. So much to do, so little time!

And I'm having to re-read The Hobbit these days. When I told my fifth-graders some weeks ago about the book I wanted them to read the next, I was greeted by loud and unanimous wailing. "Please, Miss, no, not that book!!!" The truth be told, the book I had in mind really was on the boring side, definitely not the kind of stuff I would have enjoyed as a kid. So I took pity on them and consulted with my colleagues and decided it was time for my 12 year olds to read The Hobbit. I started reading it yesterday evening on the train, braindead as I was after my lectures, and it just made me so happy! What a book. "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit..." Ah!

But I'm very much looking forward to the next mid-term break. I try and ignore the fact that at least half of that week will need to be spent slaving away at my thesis. But also some visits and skiing and Netflix and books are on the menu. 

Like I said, so much to do! Thank heavens!