When we had our exhibition challenge with Dr A. N. – a monthly visit to a museum or art gallery – sometimes I would remember it two days before a month ended and would then frantically look for an exhibition to visit. There were some great experiences (a photo exhibition about apartheid in South Africa probably touched me the most – they were terribly painful photos to look at) but all in all the whole thing took some effort from my side. So when we started another one of our "culture challenges" this September, that of classical concerts, I was a little worried. I wasn’t sure how I’d do. Now I know how I’m doing...

I’ve turned into a complete concert junkie.

In all honesty, I’m not looking for these concerts, it’s more like the opposite. They seem to be chasing me.

I mean, the whole thing started with a bang in September – with Arvo Pärt and his handshake and his concert. I wrote about that. Then it must have been (I’m starting to forget) Erkki Pärnoja, he plays the guitar in a band called Ewert and the Two Dragons (if there’s one Estonian band I’d recommend, that’s the one). It was a solo concert and the first time I ever saw looping on stage. I sat there, wide eyed, not sure whether it was magic or sorcery. Then October began with Mihkel Poll and me keeping my breath when he played Chopin, that one I also covered. About two weeks later he played with his sister Mari – a goddess looking violinist – and a cellist in the Music Academy and I made sure I didn’t miss it. To my surprise they came to talk to the audience after the concert so I had a little chat with them and I learnt that Mari and me have had the same violin teacher. There our similarities end – I mean, she went on to study in Royal College of Music in London, my violin is collecting dust under my bed and crying. I had barely recovered from that concert when my auntie (she’s a violin teacher) messaged me and got me a last minute under-the-counter ticket to hear violist Maxim Rysanov. This guy turned out to be not only a ravingly talented violist but also an equally talented conductor! He got such charm the orchestra did absolutely everything he wanted them to do – and probably also the audience. Last Sunday – I’m starting to feel like a stalker – I found out about another small concert of M. P. & M. P. and went to hear it. It turns out some musicians use a concert hall of a small music school near Tallinn as a sort of a practice space where they give small (and free!) concerts before they have their big ones. M. P. is playing Glazunov’s violin concert with her orchestra soon – she works in Stavanger Symphony Orchestra in Norway, and she had this „practice” concert here. It cost me less than 4 euros for a return ticket to go hear her play Glazunov, and then her brother played some more Chopin. I simply could not believe my luck! And yesterday I was in Tartu, and after a day in the Seminary the principal invited me to go and listen to the Estonian National Symphony Orchestra and a shining star of the violin world, Baiba Skride.

I have no explanation for how this has happened. And it seems to go on with about the same speed. There are four more concerts I want to go to before the end of this year - two for which I already have tickets. It's madness.

Whether it happens to be a coincident or divine providence, I don’t know. All I know is that I need this music. There is something in my mind, in my uncounsciousness, that is terribly restless. Those dreams about my mum, the restlessness of sleep – I don’t know where that stuff comes from and why and what to do about it. It’s all very frustrating and terribly tiring. But music soothes my mind like nothing else does. It doesn’t fix me – how could it? – but it brings calmness and joy to my soul and these are just about the best things I could think of and wish for these days.

Music seems to be my therapy, concert halls my counseling rooms.