The eye saga continues.

My left eye started hurting on Monday evening. I had just come from the clinic where I had the protective lenses taken out which I had had to wear during the first week, and my eye wasn't happy. It actually kept me awake half the night which, given the amount of time, gave me an opportunity to go over all possible scenarios that might happen. By 2 a.m. I had come to the perfectly sound conclusion that my left eye was most likely going to, you know, explode. So I called the clinic first thing in the morning and explained my situation (I did leave out the exploding bit though) and they arranged me an appointment right away. There a very kind nurse with a very kind smile explained to me patiently why my eye was feeling the way it (she?) was. She looked like she gets those nervous patients coming twice a day. Anyway, she gave me another medicine (now they have taken up a whole shelf in my fridge) and another kind smile and dismissed me. I did feel a little bit embarrassed for turning into a drama queen like that but A. called me that night and told me that I have paid these people so much money that I could go for check-ups daily if I wanted to, and that indeed made me feel a bit better.

The annoying thing is that I can't work properly, which would be ok if I didn't have to. I didn't get everything done before Valencia and annual leave so I'm having to do stuff now. I was putting together the Greek exam on Wednesday morning in my office and I looked absolutely ridiculous, trying to see all those little breathing marks. I will look equally ridiculous today, trying to grade the exams. Double vision is not fun.

Which, really, brings me to the other topic. With yesterday's exam being over, I can say that the Greek semester is done. One semester down, two more to go. I went to Riga on Wednesday evening and as it turned out to be the warmest and loveliest of all evenings, I sat in an old town restaurant and thought about the whole thing. I recalled how two years ago Newbold guys got in touch with me and knocked me breathless with their offer. We need someone to teach Greek and Homiletics and we thought you could do it, they said. I remember jumping up and down and screaming my head off, I was so happy. And I remember how I pictured it all - that I would descend on Riga with some star dust around me and I would do all this with effortless elegance. Now, sitting in that restaurant, I realised how differently everthing had turned out. There was no star dust, there was no effortless elegance. No. There were sleeping pills and there was hard work. And yet, the fact that I have been able to do it while going through the toughest time of my life - I'm surprised I came through this spring more or less sane and intact - it all makes it so much more valuable. In fact, I felt like celebrating on Wednesday evening. If it had all been effortless, I would not have appreciated that experience much. It would have been just another task. But now it all felt like an achievement. And again I came to the age old conclusion that going through difficult times does something to us - it shapes and grows us.

And this brought me to a text. Last Saturday I made an attempt to read the Bible, I didn't succeed but what little I was able to read was from John 15. Jesus talks about branches there and how there are two experiences that a branch can possibly go through. One is being cut down, the other one is being pruned. Both of them must hurt really bad, and there must be a moment when the branch is not sure which one of these experiences it is going through. It hurts like hell. God seems to be given up on me. I think I'm done, I'm being cut down. And yet, how many times, looking back on our darkest of times and toughest of experiences, we actually realise that God was not cutting us off but instead, He was pruning, He was taking extra care of us because He saw the potential of fruit, and He knew that only by pruning the branch it has a chance of bearing better fruit.

I'm still not sure what God was trying to do or teach me or grow in me that past spring. But in any case, it felt really good to be in Riga, to take a late evening stroll and to think about the past semester. I could still use some elegance and star dust for the coming semesters, but even with things being the way they are - I'm grateful.