Things have been going wrong lately.

There are some things over which you know you don't have any control - like long-awaited Newbold lecturer getting ill and not being able to visit Estonia. You may panic and may have to reschedule important things but in a sense you know you could not possibly do anything about it. But then there are things that go wrong and you know you could have done something about them or should have done. I found myself in the middle of a rather serious conflict a couple of weeks ago - there are some people who are certain I have neglected some of my responsibilities as a pastor. And they may be right. It's a terrible feeling, a nagging feeling. And then in the middle of it you realise your conflict solving skills are at the level of a five year old and you have no idea how to grow a skin a little thicker (I was in touch with Dr L. T. the other week as I'm trying to get him to come and lecture in Estonia next year, and when he asked how I feel I have benefited from Newbold education I told him the course of surviving conflicts and growing thicker skin is very unfortunately still missing from Newbold's curriculum).

I have managed to create yet another disaster in my personal life (it's actually the old disaster from last November but I have been so wonderfully smart to prolong it for another four months).

And I have to move out from my apartment. Tomorrow. Because the conference needs this space for other things now.

Bloody hell, I say.

But I find a lot of comfort in seeing other people do well. It's somehow so heartwarming and comforting - even more so now when I have hit the rock bottom myself - to see beautiful things happen and life moving on for good people. Like, I received a wedding invitation two days ago, U. and C. have invited me to celebrate their love and happiness with them (oh, I wish it was as simple as getting on a plane and flying to California!). My auntie told me on Saturday that my cousin got accepted for the PhD program... in Harvard. Some beautiful news from H. and S. And a good old friend seems to have bumped into the love of her life.

So good stuff still happens. Good things, good people.

But say a prayer for me.