So much happened last year I don't know where to begin and where to end with all those memories.

I remember that early morning in January when I got up to go to Tartu to lecture again. It had been a while since I had last done it and I was nervous. I didn't know that it would turn out to be a wonderful semester full of teaching and good conversations and lovely students. I remember my birthday evening when Dr A. N. skyped me and told that Newbold would send their lecturers to Baptist Seminary to help us educate our students. I remember the overwhelming sense of pride when I heard my dad's song closing the Christian song festival and saw thousands of people clapping and waving to him. I remember my birthday weekend with a road trip and good times. I remember the excitement when I landed in Amsterdam to start studying again. I remember the thrill of giving the Diversity Lecture in Newbold. I remember sitting in my favourite Old Town restaurant with A. N., discussing life. There's a lot to remember. It has been a wonderful year.

And on the other side. I have lived through two very serious heart breaks this year. I haven't recover from either one of them. To go through it once would have been bad enough, but twice... I'm still getting used to living with constant grief, two years down the road. But I have also welcomed a new friend this year - loneliness. Most of the time we can exist side by side quite peacefully but there are moments when loneliness attacks me with such force it literally makes me wish I was dead. There have been many tears. It has been a terrible year.

But despite all this I still hear that small voice every morning that makes me continue my journey, through joy and tears. As Frederck Buechner puts it: Come unto me. Come unto me, you say. All right then, dear my Lord. I will try in my own absurd way. In my own absurd way I will try to come unto you, a project which is in itself by no means unabsurd. Because I do not know the time or place where you are. And if by some glad accident my feet should stumble on it, I do not know that I would know that I had stumbled on it. And even if I did know, I do not know for sure that I would find you there. And if you are there, I do not know that I would recognize you. And if I recognized you, I do not know what that would mean or even what I would like it to mean. I do not even well know who it is you summon, myself. 

May the Almighty be with us though our joys and tears and adventures and heart breaks and achievements throughout this coming year. Amen.