L. is turning 12 weeks old on Sunday, and I think I've learnt a lesson or two during this time. Here are some of them:
1. Time is relative. The first weeks after L’s arrival were, hands down, the longest weeks of my entire life. Every day seemed like a marathon - you got going with a day in the morning without seeing the end of it. The end was somewhere over the hills. When everything is new and a little scary, when there are no routines yet, when you get up three times every night for a feed, when you feel constantly sleepy, time is like a drunken snail. But as soon as routines were established and I started to get a hang of things, time started going by normally. Now, almost three months into motherhood, I already catch myself scrolling through my phone's photo album and thinking - my my, doesn't the time fly!
2. Noise cancelling earphones are the most brilliant invention! I read recently that the cry of a newborn baby has a very specific pitch and intensity. It has pretty much been designed to make all the little red lights in your head go off all at once - it is a sound that is absolutely impossible to ignore. Of course, there is God's wisdom behind it - this helpless babe needs you to pay attention, to pick him up, to soothe him, basically to keep him alive. But when the baby really gets going with a screaming session and you have, as long as you can tell, eliminated all the reasons - he is full and dry, not too cold or too warm - then the army of red lights in your head can really begin to burn you out. This is where the headphones become handy. You need a little buffer in between your ears and sanity on the one hand and the screaming baby on the other. This is also what they teach you when you leave the hospital - make sure your brain does not overheat. People end up shaking babies (consequently shutting them up but also causing brain damage) not because they are evil but because their brains have gone into meltdown. They just couldn't bear the screaming any longer.
3. Cooing makes a difference! In the beginning, your relationship with the baby is kind of impersonal. Of course, you love your baby with a fierce and protective love but it is more like a biological / hormonal instinct than an emotional feeling. You just do everything - anything - to keep the baby alive. But they don't look you in the eye nor have any other way of communicating so the connection between you is limited. It was only when L. started cooing that something changed deeply. Suddenly he was communicating and he became a real person. He was talking, smiling, complaining. And I could talk and smile and complain back. So, suddenly, our nappy changes went from taking 3 minutes to taking 15 just because he is most talkative on these moments. Now we have long conversations in the bathroom and it makes all the difference in the world!
4. Choose your partner / the other parent to your child wisely. I have been thinking about it quite a bit lately. Having a baby is not a relationship crisis by itself but it holds a great potential of becoming one. It is a very intense time - you are always a little too tired, the first weeks are a roller coaster of hormones and emotions, little things can blow up, it is so easy to start nagging, you feel helpless and clingy, you barely have time to shower, etc. All these things can chip away on your love and connection. That's when it is of utmost importance that the other person in the trenches with you is kind and understanding and supportive and patient. I could tell a lot about S. in this context but I only say one thing - goodness, did I hit the jackpot! I am enormously grateful for him, his support and never-ending patience and kindness. It's only thanks to him I am getting through this time, sane and intact and happy. ❤
5. Enjoy the bubble. When we got home from the hospital, I put my phone on the flight mode and I have pretty much forgotten to switch it back on. I don't know how many people have tried to call me without ever getting an answer. It is probably a little bit rude but I also enjoy this opportunity of cutting myself off from the world and responsibilities. Now, almost three months down the line, I feel the expectations changing already. Can you come and play the violin? Can you record this little video? Don't you miss preaching? When will you start coming to church again? As this might be my only chance in life to put my obligations on hold, I say - thank you for asking but no. Not this time. Not yet. Let me enjoy the bubble a tad longer.
This is not by any means an exhaustive list of things I have recently learnt. But they are some of the most important ones.
I try to be very careful about sharing L's pictures publicly (as I cannot ask for his consent). I always watch with a bit of dismay the half naked baby pictures some people publish online. But I admit that some days it is super hard not to flood the internet with his cuteness. May this be an exception. So, here is Mr Cutie-Pie:
