The story began exactly two years ago.
I had my doctoral defense in the end of April 2023. After the fog of exhaustion and relief began to lift - it took a couple of weeks - a question started to take shape in my head. What's the next big project? I asked. What's the next thing I am going to take on that is a little bit bigger and more permanent than just my daily cares and duties?
Somewhere deep inside I already knew the answer. I was not courageous enough to look the answer in the eye yet but I knew it nevertheless. Start writing. Write a book.
At that time, I happened to read John Mark Comer's book Garden City, a book about God's calling and work and why we are here on the Earth and what difference our lives make. And as I read, the conviction - or the answer, you might say - hit me again with a strong force. It is time to take up writing; it is time to put your sermons into a book.
And still, I hesitated. And I thought to myself, if there is anyone who would confirm this calling, I promise to get going with it. But the next thought right after the first one was that of doubt - how could anyone confirm this calling? It is such a specific thing, no-one knows I have this idea in my head (not even S.), where could the confirmation possibly come from?
A couple of days later pastor D. came for a visit. He had married us a little less than a year before and as a pastoral person, he came to see how we were doing. We looked around in our apartment and did some small talk; we had not even sat down to have dinner together. And D. asked me about how I was doing. I said I had been terribly busy these last months - finishing up my Swedish studies, putting the finishing touches to my dissertation, surviving the 2,5 h defense, working in the church... I had had a lot on my plate. At least, I said, I was able to re-use my old sermon manuscripts as I really didn't have time to write new ones all the time. And D. said, as we stood in our living room, "Mervi, I have an idea for you. Whether you take it or leave it is up to you. But I think you should publish a book with your sermons."
There it was.
Not "Have you thought about writing?" or anything vaguer, it was specific and concrete and simple. You should publish a sermon collection.
I stared at D. and then at S., and then I had to explain to them what these words meant to me. How I had been waiting for a sign, not really believing it could come. But there it was.
This happened on a Friday evening. On Monday morning I opened my first sermon and started re-writing it. A promise is a promise.
Fast forward two years, and the book is finally published.
It is a collection of 20 sermons which I have preached over the years, sermons which mean a lot to me personally, sermons which I have needed to hear and implement in my own life. They are about the fruit of the Spirit, forgiveness, God's calling, suffering, resting, carrying each others' burdens, and about many other things I find important as a follower of Jesus. I really hope they will touch the readers as these Bible texts the sermons are built on have touched me.
Last weekend we had a little book release in Estonia. We barely ever have local authors publishing books, most of the stuff we publish in our church is translations. So we took the chance and had a book evening in Tartu church. I did some public reading from the book, we listened to beautiful music, there was a long conversation about what preaching and writing means to me, and in the end, everyone could purchase the book and get it signed. I was so touched to see how my old friends - and some strangers - had come from all over Estonia; the church hall was full and the queue for book signing was so long I could hardly see the end of it. 113 books were sold that evening, I later heard! The only thing I was sad about was that there was no time to mingle and have longer conversations. I would have loved to stay and talk but L., who had been so brave the whole long day, finally took up his favourite melody "Oh, great tiredness, sob sob, waah waah" and we had to get him to bed. Some other time, I promised myself, I will make up for these lost conversations.
And now the book is on my living room table and each time I see it, a prayer comes up from my heart. That God would let it reach people I couldn't reach any other way! That the light of the Word would shine bright!